Many ways to indulge
by MelloisMellow
Summary: Mello was on top of the world, but soon I knew he would crash down, but I don’t want to tell him something he didn’t want to hear, He looked so happy. I’m selfish. contains yaoi,swearing and violence


**_A/N: OOO two stories at the same time...HOW WILL I SURVIVE!? (especialy without my BETA Matt....) I personanly like this story better then the other one I posted, but yet again sorry for any mistakes(yet again due to the absence of Matt's BETAing)_**

ENJOY!

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**Many ways to indulge** (may change)

**_Chapter one: Falling down the stairs._**

The leather clad blonde strides down the almost abandoned street in California, receiving odd glares and mothers hold their children away from the strange man, The man formally known as Mello. He grins almost sadistically as he shoots a child a daring glare, the child burying their head further into their mothers dress as the mother hushes and tells them everything's alright.  
And I, self-proclaimed sidekick, following in his glory, slinking behind him, following his footsteps, sometimes I wish I had the courage to walk with such confidence, such beauty, but such dream can only be a dream, and as all dreams, we can only see them as reality when we close our eyes, when we shut off reality. My favourite pass time.  
"You know Matt, I haven't killed anyone today, I think we should go see if we can find another target, I haven't seen blood in…" Mello looks at a shop-window clock, "twelve hours."  
Killing is wrong, I know that, but it's the only thing to calm him down now,  
I saw him kill his first, when he was directed to kill a mother and child who had betrayed the mafia family, had not payed them back. Mello had been given a gun, screamed, cried and shot, he was never the same since, yet he still calls himself catholic, hanging that rosary around his neck, once white, turned red by his victims blood.

_Genesis 9:6– God prohibits the murder of men because they were created in His image._

_Mello was once an image of god, an angel, blood distorted the image, but how can he still look so perfect?  
"You know Mello, it's getting late, the boss will get up both our asses if we're both still out when the sun rises."  
Mello glared at me, "But it's more fun if I can see it." He smirked again, blue eyes with haunting glint to them.  
I sigh, "Fine, but you take the blame, I don't want a bullet in my skull," I'm lying, I would take any bullet for him.  
"whatever, I'll just kill him before he kills me." Yeah right Mello, he's three times your size and has a whole mob that would kill you after he dies.  
"fine. But I'm waiting in the car,"  
"Your missing out Matt, maybe I should torture her before I kill her-"  
I have some human decency, "Mello just get their life over with, don't make them suffer, I mean- don't give her a chance to scream so we don't get caught okay?"  
"I can do whatever the fuck I want Matt, and we won't get caught, because we have me."_

_Mello entered the small town house and after about fifteen minutes of screaming and pained sounds it stopped, it all stopped, Mello returned to me with blood stained hands and a silver bracelet, "It'll sell for a lot at the pawn shop," he chucked the small bracelet to me, it's not like we needed the money, "Hold onto it for me."  
"Hey Mello, she have any kids?"  
"Yeah, looked about three."  
"You kill them?"  
"You know I'm not like that Matt, I'll give 'em ten years and come back, they have a lot more to live for that way, a lot more I can take away." He grinned as I moved back to the passenger seat, Mello gripping the steering wheel to my red camero.  
"Mello," I groaned, "You'll get the steering wheel dirty again."  
"Then you'll clean it again." He stated simply. bastard._

_We arrive back at the mafia base just as the sun rises, just on time. I sigh as Mello and I walk down the long, dim-lit hallways to our shared room, our room is split in two, his side had a bed, mine a couch, his tidy and organised, mine a mess of wires and games, Somehow I always got the worse deal, but if I can see Mello, It's worth it. It has to be._

_Mathew 15:19-" If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit._

"It was hard to sleep that night, not that I get to sleep often as I am always receiving tasks and missions from the blonde, but tonight was different. Tonight Mello was crying.  
I padded my way sleepily to his side of the room, and pocked my head around the corner of our shared bathroom door, Mello was frowning in the mirror, looking distort, tears streaked down his face, I walked closer, reaching my hands out to his shoulders to comfort him, his reflection deepened the frown, as Mello grabbed a bottle of liquor he had been drinking the night before, and grasped it tighter, almost to the point of it smashing. It did, but as it collided with my skull, not with the mere force in his grip. I felt hazy as his angelic features faded to a cold black as I fell to the floor.  
Please catch me Mello.

I woke again to the smell of liquor, Mello must be drinking again, and was I surprised to be wrapped up poorly on my couch, in bandages? No. It occurred regularly, but the reason for this was different this time, I found Mello's weakness.  
Himself.

"Mello-"  
"you didn't see anything."  
"Mello I-"  
"YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING DAMN IT!" Mello repeated, cocking a gun to my head.  
"We can talk about this Mello, I've known you for years….why don't you tell me anything anymore?"  
"Because I don't have to,…"  
"what?"  
"I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU! I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT!" Mello spat.  
"Your right Mello."  
Mello grinned, "Matt I-"  
"And all it's doing is bringing you closer to death and you know it."  
Mello's grin faded, "The plan's being carried out tonight Matt, I don't want you there, stay here, I'll do it myself." Mello stated.  
I huffed, "Yeah Mello, Whatever you wan- you mean the plan with yagami?"  
"Yes. stay out of it."  
"The one that I'm programming the bombs for?"  
"Yes, I am no longer in need of your assistance, Matt. I shall do everything without you."  
He left solemnly, I just sat and stared. This has to have been the stupidest thing Mello has ever done, and he's done a fuck-load of stupid things.

_1 Kings 21:19- 'In the place where dogs licked up Naboth's blood, dogs will lick up your blood—yes, yours!'"  
_  
I am a dog. Mello is also, it just hasn't occurred to him, he's as worthless as the rest of us. I sit on the couch, legs draped over the top of the couch and head on the floor, It's not comfortable, sure, but without my cigarettes(which are band from our room) it's the only way to think, but something obnoxious and loud caused me to break out of concentration, and for once it wasn't Mello, it was...  
"The phone's ringing...what the hell?"  
I picked it up, flipping it open and answering, "who is this?"  
"M-m-m," I herd a man retching, "Me-llo, It's me Mello....get here now Matt."  
"why?"  
"Just...," a hiss, "Get here Matt....The plan.....failed."  
I knew it, I fucking knew it.  
"okay Mello, are you still in the building?"  
"ye-s...," The phone's signal faded out and in, but I caught, "Computer....."  
He must be in the control room. Being the loyal dog I am, I went to get my 'master' (as he likes to think) and dashed up the long flights of metal stairs, running as fast as my cancer bound lungs could take me, I was out of breath within seconds, but as soon as I could smell smoke, adrenaline got me the rest of the way, as the heat intensified. I began to see the flames rushing around me, feeling the exreame heat begin to melt my boots as I ran. I rushed through, with my hand over my mouth and nose through the control room door, only to see that angelic face half melted. I rushed in, picking Mello up bridal style and rushing to our room, our room was a great deal of distance away, but there was no doubt in my mind the flames would easily spread there, I picked up a few things including the keys to the car and dashed out of the building.

When I reached the car I laid Mello on the passenger seat , he cringed. I put the keys in the ignition and slammed my foot on the acceleration pedal, the car leaving the mafia base in seconds flat.  
My breaths were heavy and uneven, but still kept a steady eye on the road ahead, getting out a cigarette and lighting it, placing it listlessly between pursed lips.  
Mello groaned in discomfort as the car came to a sudden halt in front of an old dingy hotel, I parked on an angle, not minding that I was taking up three parking spaces, I just needed to get Mello to saftey and fix him up before the bleeding mess that was Mello could get any worse.  
I ran into the building, checking in and getting room keys, then running back to get Mello and carried him upstairs to room 32, opening the door quickly and laying him on the beaten red couch.  
"ng...Matt...It hurts....," Mello mumbled, half his face asleep from the burn there.  
Not thinking, I kissed Mello on the forehead and whispered for him to calm down. He didn't do a thing to stop me, probably due to delirium. To tell you the truth, I had never dealt with burns before, but Mello didn't have to know that, I knew how to treat them from class at Wammy's. I picked up the half-sleeping form from the couch, to his disapointment and took him into the bathroom, moving a stool for him to sit on while I prepared the water.  
"Matt....It hurts..."  
"I know...but hold on, I have to clean your wounds."  
"No Matt, it hurts..."  
"Mello-"  
"Let..me finish......I lost, please kill me."  
That shocked me more than anything, "w-what?"  
"I didn't win...please kill me Matt....would you prefer if I did it?"  
I shook my head violently, "Mello you're not going to die, just calm down."  
Mello tried to stand up and walk away, but his footing was unsteady as he rocked back and forth, stumbling around before leaning on the door frame and collapsing on his knees crying.  
"I'm worthless!"  
"No, you're not Mello!" What was Mello getting at?  
"Yes I am! I lost Matt! I fucking lost!" His crying got more extreme, his body shaking violently, but his body gave in as it ran out of energy, Mello falling like a ragdoll to the floor, I caught him before he landed.  
At least I could clean Mello's wounds in peace now...but what was up with Mello?

_Matthew 12:43 When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it._

END CH 1

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**_A/N: REVIEW PLZ!!!!!!  
~Mello_**


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